MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME TO…

I am not a perfect daughter, there are times that I commit mistakes that make my parents go mad, go ballistic and sometimes animalistic. Kidding aside, there are things in life that you’ll never learn in school, things that only your parents can instill in your mind. And I proudly say that I am grateful that my parents taught me to…

1.      Always be grateful. Whatever is given to you, make sure that you say ‘Thank You’ and mean it. This is what my parents keep on telling me, every time there is a blessing may it be small or big. And when you ask for something and it was given to you and it is different from what you’ve asked, don’t be ungrateful, still say ‘Thank You’, it may differ from what you’ve asked but it is better that you what you expected. No matter how good or bad your life now always be thankful, because what you not know is that someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Do not think of your shortcomings or the things you are missing, think of something else that you have that everyone else is missing.

2.      Not look at Religion, because it doesn’t matter what your religion is, as long as you believe in Him. As my parents say “Religion is just a name. Faith and religion are two different things.” We should never ever judge someone based on their religion, because religion is just a superficial context, what’s important is how you proclaim your faith. My parents are the reason why I know how to pray. They introduced me to someone I know will never ever leave me, no matter how hard life’s currents are. I remember when I was a kid they always bring me and my brothers to church; they make sure that we never missed a Sunday mass. Every night we pray the rosary, before we eat, we pray, before we travel we pray. In a nutshell, our world starts with Him, revolve around Him. We are not religious people as the society names you, but we are faithful people, that acknowledge Him.

3.      Study hard. Education is precious. “Be thankful that you are able to study, not everyone is given that chance.” When we start going to school my folks started telling this to us, to remind us every day when we complain of why we need to wake up early just to go to school that there are lots of children deprived of this necessity. Maybe right now we can’t see the beauty of education, but later in life we will see its significance. My parents did not grow up in a rich environment, albeit they were still able to finish their education because of their hard work and determination. My father was a scholar of a well-known corporation and my mother worked hard just to finish her study as a janitress in their college in the province, and because of her dedication she graduated as a ‘Cum Laude’.

4.      Struggle before success. You need to work hard so that you can earn hard. Success does not happen in just a flick of the finger. Even those who won the lottery, experienced hardships. As they keep on telling us “If there are two roads towards your success, the easy one and the hard one, always choose the hard one, so that you will be able to appreciate everything that you will gain and learn so that your success is not just for overnight.”

5.      Eat what’s on your plate. My parents taught me to not to be choosy, especially when it comes to food. Because we are lucky we still have food on our plates, some families do not have. I always remember my brothers struggling in eating vegetables; well they don’t have a choice, my parents will never stop pushing them to eat those vegetables. So every time I eat, I always make sure that I finish what is on my plate, because it reminds me of the people who is starving because they do not have any food to eat. I learn to not waste food and be thankful that we never experienced being hungry.

6.      Not to buy things that is not needed. There are things in life that is necessary and just for luxury. If you do not need it, do not buy it, because when the time comes that you need money at least you have some to spend. When you are successful enough, when you graduate then buy everything you want if that’s what you like but be very smart. Be prepared, spend first for your life plans, buy a house and secure your life. Then live as luxuriously as you want at least you are prepared. My parents keep on telling us that we are not rich so what we want like gadgets or new clothes cannot be given to us immediately or sometimes will never be given to us. They taught us to differentiate wants and needs; we are able to prioritize important things from what is not.

7.      Remember that respect is a give and take relationship. Give your respect to authorities and elders, but remember respect is earned. At first my parents told us this statement, questions marks formed inside our minds. What do they mean about that? As time goes by I learned that respect is contagious and it is reciprocated. People won’t respect you if you give them reasons not to respect you. That is why my parents never let me wear clothes that are tempting to the eyes of men. Same with my brothers, my parents taught them to respect girls on how they want other people respect me and my mom and their future daughters and wife.

8.      Stop looking for happiness. “Happiness is your family.” This is one of my parents’ favorite lines. They keep on telling us this, every single day. They said that we don’t need to travel the world or have the biggest house, best car to be happy, we just have to look inside our family and that is what is called as happiness. Happiness is not measured by its monetary value, because of the things we desire are expensive, really expensive, but candidly speaking the only things that can satisfy us is free---love, peace and laughter.

9.      Love each other. “When the time comes that God will take away this borrowed life, you’ll be on your own, so love each other.” The first time I heard this from my parents I did not take it seriously, but as we grow older we see the significance of this statement. We still have our parents but now we can see brightly the importance of a family and the significance of one another. We start becoming open to each other and I and my brothers became closer with each other. We still have fights, but in the end we learn to be understanding of each of our differences. Because we know when our parents die, we only have each other through everything. It is only us that will help and comfort each other.

10.   Accept that death is inevitable. Everything has its own ending. Everything that started will end. “When you accept death, you gain life.” My parents instilled that in my mind. We keep on joking in our house that ‘if it is your time, it is your time, there are no extensions’ they will be mad when we keep on joking this, but they inside they are glad that we accept this type of things freely. That is why every day is a special day for us.

THE PERKS OF A LARGE FAMILY

            Children are blessings. That is why a big family is common in the Filipino tradition. More or less most Filipinos have 3 or more kids. Some people when they heard that a married couple has 4 or 5 kids, they will ask “How can you manage? Isn’t that hard?”  If they can imagine having 4-5 kids as difficult how much more if they have more than that?

I came from a big family. I have three siblings. My mother has 4 siblings. And my mother’s mother (grandmother) has 13 siblings. Shocking, right? So imagine a scenario wherein you are walking down the street in your province and you pass by people or teenagers, and you are not even aware that they are your cousins or your aunts and uncles. That is one of the problems when you have a big number of relatives, you are not even aware that you are related. Albeit, having a big family is hard, the happiness you can acquire from just having a big family is different. The completeness, the joy, the simplicity of life. That just by having a bonding with them is enough to feel complete. Having  a big family has its advantages and disadvantages.

Large families has a high probability of having children who were not able to finish their education. Because most of the income of their family is spent on their basic necessities like food, water and electricity, thus little amount of money is provided for their education. Moreover, they cannot provide enough satisfaction to the needs of their children.

There is a possibility that their house would be crowded, they would hardly have any privacy since there are lots of people in the house. They have more expenses since there are a lot of them in the family. Moreover, their money is on a strict budget so that it will accommodate all of them, they also cannot save money because most of the time the money is just exact for their needs and sometimes it is not enough.

There is not enough time for everybody. The children has not given enough time and attention to be taken care of. A lot of work to assure all children grow up to be good people.

On a brighter side, there are lots of large Filipino families that, albeit their crowded number  they find it more enjoyable and satisfying. There are a lot of members in the family, so they don’t need to gain more friends to enjoy life, just the mere presence of one another is enough.  Specifically, they are never alone.

Yes, in a large family there is a big tendency to have a lot of fights, but even in their normal fights, squabble or spats, the mere interaction of the parents being the mediator or arbitrator teach them the life lessons and values like being fair, generous, respecting individual differences, forgiving and forgetting. These kinds of interactions strengthen their morality and lifelong conscience, in every bad thing there is always goodness within.

Their parents take care of their needs but cannot satisfy their wants because their money is limited, they learn the difference between what they need and what they want, they are able to prioritize the things that are important and not. They work hard so that they can get what they want, they learn the value of values through the experience. Thus they learn to stop gratification and learn to value everything they worked hard to earn. They learn virtues like patience and determination. They became individuals that can rely on their own, they can conquer the external world with dauntlessly and confidently.

Additionally, they learn to respect individual differences through their interactions with their siblings, thus making them more open-minded and prepared to get along with anyone. Having the chance to share everything like rooms, bathrooms or spaces with their siblings help them learn the value of generosity and abnegation.

            They learn the importance of responsibility through household chores. As a result, they grow with self-knowledge that accompany them knowing their strengths and limitations and they will grow as mature individuals.

            That is why my grandmother learned lessons in life that wasn’t taught in school, that wasn’t gained from material things and luxury in life. They learned lessons that nobody can teach them other than their family. Love, care, happiness, selflessness, and lifetime values can only be gained from your family. After all, number is just a numerical value, in the end  how parents create and give  loving atmosphere at home comes family satisfaction.